MORRISTOWN — We got excited when we saw the ad for Josephine's Marina Bistro: "Come To Our All New Upscale Restaurant."
We got even more excited when we called to find out what's on the menu of this new upscale restaurant. The lady on the other end of the line said, "The menu's in French, but I'll give you the English version ..."
Pinch me. A new, upscale restaurant in tiny Morristown on the St. Lawrence River? We'd heard there were new high-end condominiums being built there, so it made sense that a fancy restaurant would follow.
She continued, "Grilled scallops over spinach with butter sauce ... shrimp in a creamy pesto sauce ... pork medallion with blackberry sauce ... strip steak with brandy pepper sauce ... haddock filet with white wine clam sauce ..."
The next night, we were headed down Main Street in Morristown to the former location of Cattleman's Restaurant, a casual restaurant with a fun bar that had been around for quite some time.
It still looks the same on the outside. People were still having fun at the bar inside. The dining room had eye-catching white napkins protruding from attractive water glasses on all the tables. A fire crackled in the fireplace. A keyboard player was playing dinner music.
Everything seemed right. Little did we know we were about to have the worst food experience we've had in a restaurant in a long time.
Our first clue should have been the fact that the piano player was playing to an empty dining room when we walked in. And it's not like it was a snowy Monday night in January. It was 7 o'clock on a Friday evening and a full moon was illuminating the river behind the restaurant.
Soup or salad comes with the entrée. But we didn't expect them to come before our appetizers.
The salads were good, a nice mix of field greens, crisp cucumber, thick slices of red onion, decent balsamic dressing and no extra charge for blue cheese crumbles.
Soups were another story. Someone had to work really hard to make soups this bad.
New England clam chowder tasted like bacon flavored wallpaper paste. It was thick, but it wasn't creamy. It was pasty. And if there were clams in there, you couldn't see them or taste them. All you could taste was bacon.
Chicken rice was really dreadful. It was a bowl full of salty, wet rice. We searched really hard to find some chicken, but could only come up with one teensy-weensy piece. There were a few little dots of diced carrot for flavor or interest or something. We weren't really sure.
The basket of warm dinner rolls on the table hit the spot right about then. Whipped unsalted butter was a plus.
There are only three appetizers on the menu, and they sounded fantastic, especially in French, but I'll translate for you: shrimp with a creamy pesto sauce ($8), seafood-stuffed mushrooms with lemon butter sauce ($9) and grilled scallops over spinach with butter sauce ($9).
Each qualified as a bona fide disaster.
The shrimp might have been grilled, or maybe boiled; which really didn't matter. What mattered was that they served them without peeling the shells and fuzzy little fins from the shrimp before serving them. There wasn't a trace of pesto sauce or cream sauce or any kind of sauce, for that matter. Instead, they substituted a blob of buttery rice pilaf.
As far as the mushrooms go, there wasn't a trace of seafood in the stuffing. It just tasted like bad leftover stuffing from Thanksgiving. "Tasted like liver" was one comment at our table as one of my dining companions reached for the paper napkin under her drink to get rid of the evidence.
Ordinarily, stuffed mushrooms are cooked, but these were served virtually raw. And they were doused with a splash of brown demi-glace, which was a little strange, too.
My companion's one word summation of the stuffed mushrooms: "Disgusting."
The scallops were atrocious. They were about the size of a nickel and cooked to the rubbery consistency of a pencil eraser. You couldn't cut them with a fork. Or a knife. I'm not exaggerating.
They were served with buttery spinach, which tasted pretty good, especially compared to the scallops.
There are only seven entrées on the menu. We had four of them, starting with salmon Josephine ($22).
If I owned a restaurant and was going to put my name on one of the entrées, I'd make sure it was darn good. That wasn't the case with the "Saumon Josephine aux Amandes."
Besides the saumon (salmon) being overcooked, it came sans (without) amandes (almonds) rather than aux (with) them. And for some reason it came plopped on top of what seemed like the same nasty stuffing that was used to stuff the mushroom appetizer.
Pork medallion with blackberry sauce ($18) was a huge disappointment. I don't know about you, but when I hear "medallion" I immediately associate it with the tenderest cut of pork, the tenderloin.
This was a slab of pork, not a medallion, cut from the loin, not the tenderloin, and not exactly the cut-it-with-a-fork tenderness we expected. There was a touch of some kind of sauce on the pork, but it was a poor excuse for blackberry sauce.
It wasn't black and there were no berries.
And, unlike the scallops, you could cut it with a knife.
Eight-ounce filet mignon with blue cheese demi-glace ($26) wasn't the majestic, cylindrical piece of meat we were expecting. It was pretty flat, draped over that nasty stuffing, but thankfully cooked medium-rare, as ordered. The demi-glace was the same brown sauce that appeared with the nasty mushroom appetizer. If there was blue cheese in there, you certainly couldn't tell.
Finally, there was "chicken roulade with red wine mushroom sauce" ($18). That was their English translation. Our translation was "chicken rip-off."
It was not a roulade. A roulade is a thin slice of meat rolled around a filling, most often some kind of vegetable and cheese, perhaps meat, then browned and baked. There was no filling inside this chicken. It was just a big hunk of dry, overcooked chicken served over (you guessed it) the nasty stuffing.
Red wine mushroom sauce? Forget it. No red wine. No mushrooms. No sauce.
In addition to stuffing, all entrées were served with rice and potato (that makes three starches) and terribly withered asparagus.
OK, here's the rundown on the desserts:
Napoleon Josephine ($8): If I owned a restaurant and was going to put my name on ... whoops, I said that already. This was not-puffed-up-enough puff pastry with fresh strawberries and blueberries and real imitation whipped cream piped on the plate
Crêpes stuffed with berries ($7): Basically the same as the Napoleon, but with a stale crêpe.
Crème brûlée with Grand Marnier ($6): Absolutely the worst crème brûlée I've had since my little sister was a Brownie. The custard was curdled, the caramelized sugar topping never materialized and neither did the Grand Marnier.
Pear poached in red wine ($7): I think there's been a mistake made here. This was actually pretty good. Two firm, reddish brown pieces of pear were swimming in a clear, sweet syrup, dressed up with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and piped whipped topping.
This evening was a waitress's nightmare, but our waitress, a veteran of several St. Lawrence county eateries, handled it quite well. She also clued us in on what was happening.
The restaurant opened about a month ago. Before opening, a "consultant" was brought in to train the chef. Several days before we were there, the chef left.
Our dinner was prepared by whoever was left in the kitchen after the chef left.
Supposedly, they're in the process of hiring a new chef.
Our waitress was most apologetic throughout the night. We didn't blame her — it certainly wasn't her fault. However, we were a little miffed that Josephine, who was at the front counter when we arrived, never came to our table to offer an explanation or an apology.
We were not charged for the appetizers. We were offered a complimentary round of drinks. Despite the freebies, our tab still came to $136 before tip.
Until they get their act together with the food, I'd suggest hanging out at the bar.
The drink prices are quite reasonable, especially during the 4 to 7 p.m. happy hour. And the people in the bar seemed to be having a lot more fun than we were.
You can contact Walter E. Siebel via e-mail: wsiebel@wdt.net.
Josephine's Marina Bistro
209 Main St.
Morristown
375-4321
A new French-style restaurant at the former Cattleman's Restaurant location.
Open seven days a week throughout the winter:
Dining room: 5 to 9 p.m. Monday through Thursday
4 to 10 p.m. Friday and Saturday
Bar hours: 4 to 10 p.m. Sunday through Wednesday
4 to close Thursday through Saturday
Rating: one fork
